Hunter Clarke-Fields

Parenting lessons from a seam in the shower door
March 8, 2017

I was getting in the shower on Saturday morning when I realized that my eyes where going to this one area on the shower, looking for grime. My eyes were drawn like a magnet to this seam in the door to see if there was crud there.

Now I sound like a compulsive neat freak, which I’m really not.

Maybe it was because it was just after my morning meditation. I noticed that my eyes were drawn there out of habit. I’d been checking this spot for weeks. I had been creating a minor habit of it.

What does this have to do with parenting?

Seeing this habit made me realize that I was not seeing or appreciating any of the other parts of the shower which, in fact, was recently cleaned. I didn’t even look at the sparkling glass door.

I was in the habit of looking for what was wrong.

The shower door showed me the critical nature of my mind.

We do this with our children too, don’t we?

We habitually zero in on what’s wrong or bad about a situation before we notice and appreciate the good things with our kids. I know I do.

I don’t say this to shame or blame, but to help both of us awaken to the nature of our mind.

It’s not even our fault that we do this – we evolved to be aware of problems first. Evolution primed us for survival, not happiness, folks.

But we can also practice to appreciate first.

This week I invite you to find things to appreciate about your child every day. Recognize more than just their appearance. Notice how your relationship shifts.

What have you been overlooking? Start the conversation in the comments.

Thank you so much for reading!

With warmth & lovingkindness,

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